Gracefully stepping away from the work

I’ve seen many leaders hold on for dear life. To their role, to the organization, to the work. What keeps them staying? Maybe a sense of deep commitment and passion for the work. A deep values-alignment. Maybe you have more to offer this work and you’re wanting to ride it out. Many of us who come to this work also come to “right wrongs” we’ve directly experienced or witnessed. Some of us experience this as honorable, selfless work and, when taken to an extreme, it can lay the pathway to our own martyrdom or sense of saviorism. Because if no one else will do it, I guess I will. I guess I have to.

There are many reasons to stay in this work. Many of them deeply honorable and humble. Many of them not so much. And the question that often stays with me is, why?

I’ve witnessed and heard stories, particularly founders (all love!), hold on for far too long. Leaders who’ve created organizational chaos or caused hurt/harm double down when tensions rise or when difficult decisions need to be made. Leaders pushing and driving change when no one else is on board. Folks moving forward or making unilateral decisions only to find very few wanted it. A kind of leadership that’s contracted, stiff, and sometimes unmoveable. 

Perhaps that’s an extreme. What about the leaders who aren’t causing deep hurt or harm but are feeling burnt out and maybe a little crispy. Sometimes the signs are quieter. A sense of dread. Increased avoidance or disorganization. Overperforming to compensate. Folks around us feeling confused and disconnected. 

There’s evidence all around us if we offer ourselves the grace and pause to tap into it. Being overworked, underpaid, or doing it all alone, might seem admirable. In the end, it’s heartbreaking, devastating, and unsustainable. We need leaders for the long haul and there’s no long haul if we’re burnt out and disconnected from ourselves.

I do believe the leaders who double down and the leaders burnt out and crispy, at times and in some contexts can act like two sides of the same coin. Neither hold a grounded and right-sized sense of accountability. They both leave others a little confused, wondering why it’s playing out the way it is, wanting to support and having little to no inroads into offering that support. Some end up feeling dismissed, underutilized, maybe upset because the change and permission of change gets bottlenecked into one singular title.

How do we build gauges of knowing when to gracefully and thoughtfully exit? Below are some initial curiosities:

• Internal gauges - inner capacity, desire, and alignment:

  • Am I still sparked by this work?

  • Does continuing to bring my gifts and offerings energize me or drain me?

  • Am I leading from a grounded place or obligation, fear, exhaustion, or a sense of over-responsibility?

  • Is there an internal resource inside of me that has something else to offer? Do I want to give it a try or would that deplete me?

  • What conditions would make for a dignified, self-chosen transition? What might I need for myself?

  • If I transitioned, what am I best positioned to complete, tend to, or prepare others for?

  • What’s my legacy I’m building and leaving? Of my leadership? Of my impact? Of my story?

• External gauges - impact, organizational fit, feedback, and timing:

  • What evidence around me reflects the current quality and impact of my leadership?

  • Are people around me energized, growing, and engaged, or feeling stuck, confused, or bottlenecked?

  • What stage of organizational life is our organization in, and is my leadership still aligned with what’s needed now?

  • Am I getting consistent feedback from staff, board, community? If so, am I willing and able to respond to it?

  • Has my leadership created increased opportunities and growth for others, or has decision-making and movement become centralized around me?

  • If I transitioned, what leadership might follow? What does my leaving open up opportunities for and for who? How does my transition nurture those to come?

Leadership is not only about knowing when to lean in, move forward, or hold steady. Sometimes it’s about recognizing when our leadership has become misaligned and no longer in service to the current moment, the organization, or ourselves.

And maybe part of dignified and liberatory leadership is learning how to leave with care, clarity, and openness for what’s to come.